RYU RYU LEE’s Warpspot

i have moved my blog to a new location:

http://ryuryulee.blogspot.com/

ok, i am gonna make this quick since i have to sleep early tonight. and by early, i mean not later than 12 midnight. cause yesterday, i slept at around 2 o’clock in the mornin’ already tryin’ to finish my timesheet for october. the deadline is supposed to be today noon, but i did not want to succumb my self in the last minute rush so i chose to stay up late.

although i was not able to fill out my tasks for all the days of october, at least i only had to do like 2-4 days. and that gave me a lot of time to breathe earlier today since i did not have to pressure myself with the deadline.

so what has been goin’ on with me? in as much as i would like to avoid sayin’ this, but i have to. what is it? nothin’ biggie, its just that i have been meanin’ to type somethin’ down but haven’t been able to. see, i have told myself that i am supposed to have at least an entry a month in my blog.

and lookin’ at the last day of my entry, it says september, and right now is already november. had i have not been reminded by ella earlier today by tellin’ me that she just read my blog and i sounded satisfied with my new life / new environment . this is the same remark that i got from cherry mae the other day, tellin’ me that i seemed happy with where i am at right now.

well, i am. not that its any easier than my previous work. in fact, things can really be challengin’. but hey, that is what i have lived for, challenges. since have believed and continually believe that there is much learnin’ in challenges. and i am like a bucket, eager to be filled with lessons.

discussions also lead about goin’ out of the country for work. and just like i have been asked everytime, i will always answer, goin’ out of the country for vacation, sure. goin’ out of the country for work for a week or two, why not. but goin’ out of the country for a year or more for work? what for? like i said, am contented workin’ in the philippines already. right now, i don’t feel the need to earn in another currency. peso is just fine with me. although i am not closin’ any doors, but all that i am sayin’ is right now.

wow, and here i thought that its gonna be quick. well, its just that i felt like words are flowin’ out of my brain. maybe its because my mind has been split wide open today, sortin’ out the things that i have to prioritize and do. mentally stimulatin’ as i always say.

faith even mentioned, “mas mabilis ka ata nkaka-isip pag presured like when u are here (in omed). you know na pressure na talga pero seems like di pa..”

hmmm, the truth is, the thought of havin’ those pressures from great challenges entices me even more. knowin’ that it is an opportunity to showcase ability, opportunity for additional learnin’, opportunity to teach & coach others, opportunity to encourage people and work as a team.

and at the end of the day, when the great challenge has been mightily conquered, we can cheer altogether and toss our cups of triumph.

09:01 pm
tuesday, 16 september 2008
my pad, makati city
—

12 sept 2008 - in between project brainstormin' lunch at shangrila hotel

i know that there’s not gonna be much that i will be bloggin’ about tonight, but i just decided that a few words would not hurt, so here i am.

its been a while since i was able to write down somethin’. i wrote somethin’ for my blog last end week of august, but unfortunately, i had not  been able to get the time to upload and publish it. not that i am expectin’ anybody to be readin’ it.

you may be wonderin’ what’s the blog title all about. what’s the oxymoron for? well, its the messenger status that i have been using lately. i just felt like am gettin’ more hold of the things that had been goin’ on and at the same time feelin’ more persistent to get things managed. now

i am not talkin’ about work here.. oh ok, maybe part of it has somethin’ to do with work, but mostly, i am referrin’ to life in general. takin’ more control of things. feelin’ reborn, but knowin’ deep down, that its still me, just recharged.

12 september 2008 - dinner at peninsula hotel

what has been keepin’ me busy lately? a question that i would usually ask others. but now allow me to ask myself that question. last week, my 2 bosses from the U.S. arrived together with one of our clients for the project i was involved with, and i had the oppurtunity to meet them for the first time. although, them being around automatically spells a hectic schedule, but i would say that i had no complains cause along with the frequent long meetin’s and discussions, we did also get to indulge ourselves with buffets meal s. startin’ friday last week: lunch at shangrilla hotel, dinner at peninsula hotel. monday: lunch out at greenbelt with our client, dinner buffet after general assembly meetin’. and finally today: buffet breakfast at shangrilla.

talk about eat-all-you-can meals, and imagine havin’ to burn all of those excess calories. whoa! freaked me out a bit and started gettin’ back with some of my home workout routines. but i think the comin’ days will be spent doin’ office works again. plannin’ for the next project versions. but hey, not that i am complainin’.. bring it on.. =)

12:44 am
28 august 2008
office, makati city
—

its almost two months now since the last time i wrote somethin’ for my blog. wonderin’ where i have been?! no where but just around the corner. my last blog wrote somethin’ about a great inspiration that i had for gettin’ a chance to restart with my journey. yep, i was referrin’ to the new job opportunity that i got in makati after spendin’ a month with a previous one.

and a lot of things had happened since then, don’t know where to start or if i should even recount each one. maybe i could try to lay it out into 3 parts:

1/3 : silently feelin’ the waters
the first few weeks in the new company were spent with a lot of silence, just havin’ a feel of the water. bein’ keen, understanding the work culture and personalities. realizin’ that there were still few things that were not as expected yet findin’ delight in them as this would pose challenges and opportunities. continously remained affirmed of the decision i made.

2/3 : challenged?! how about this one?
it was 6 o’clock in the morning’, wakin’ up suddenly from a strangely deep sleep. noticin’ the bright light comin’ from the front area of my unit, realizin’ that the front door was wide open, stunned when findin’ out that most of my mobile gadgets were gone. shockin’! i was really taken aback and kept on bangin’ my fist from one side of my unit to another, half-cursin’ each time.

it was indeed a challenge to pull myself together and surpass the trial which i never saw comin’.. but nevertheless, i was very decided that i would not let circumstances come close to falterin’ me. recover! recover! recover! fortunately, luck was still on my side and things started to fall into places quickly and i think i did well in copin’ up. its not 100% though, cause i still get some sort of nightmares / flashbacks from time to time, but i think i copped enough to get movin’ with life and remain optimistic and thankful.

3/3 : startin’ to wake up

strugglin’ with my deafenin’ silence, tryin’ to find my voice amidst the new crowd. but my wake up call came during our team buildin’ activity, gettin’ descriptions that i believe was not truly mine. “silent” as one of them. realizin’ that people have not been seein’ me for who i truly am, and at the same time feelin’ that my work calls for the tiger in me to be summoned. hence, started to awaken my senses my its deep slumber.

overall, i would say that i am startin’ to get the hang of things. although i am currently doin’ a lot overtime works (even until wee hours of the night and occassionaly mornin’), but i always say “hey, its nothin’ really much different from my previous job in laguna” and i have already forseen this even at the start of my I.T. career. but as an old friend of mine commented earlier, i sounded happy with how things are. matter of fact, i am. i always, as much as possible, find delight in everything that i do. bein’ happy is a choice.

02:13 pm
01 july 2008
my desk, office
—–

hmmm, i remembered that i have not recounted yet regardin’ a recent tell-tale episode in my life’s journey. hence, i decided that maybe i could indulge myself in doin’ that right now.

and before you would tire your mind further with your speculations regardin’ what this episode is all about, let me go ahead and crack the details.

but ganni, i am havin’ second thoughts whether to spill out the full details or just paint a general picture of the event. i mean it in a way like birthday wishes, that you are not supposed to tell it so that it will come true. but i just feel so inspired that i think its worth sharin’, in hopes that others may also draw inspiration from it.

oh, enough runnin’ around the bush, and lets try hittin’ the nail on the head. let’s start with the dream that i had late last year. now, i can no longer vividly recall the details of that dream, but i remember that i took that dream as a sign. t’was one of the major reasons why i did not go home to zamboanga for the holidays last december (among other reasons). because a whisper within told me that i had to make that sacrifice for somethin’ good.

and from that, several events had unfolded, which allowed me to have a firmer grasp on a major decision i was makin’. with me, holdin’ on to HIM tightly for strength and guidance. initially, i had interpreted the sign as a path to somethin’ else, but later on,  it unfastened itself as another. but i allowed HIM to carry me to where HE wanted me to be.

just a month and few days back, i took the steep curve and moved from laguna to makati. thought that it was already the end of this episode, with me havin’ to deal with certain challenges, ponderin’ on the decision that i made. but these challenges just drew me closer to HIM. part of HIS plan, to strengthen me in faith. (reminds me of a homily that i was able to strongly relate to, in which the priest conveyed that the opposite of fear is not courage, but rather, its faith)

yet another homily relates about askin’ not for what you deserve, for surely you deserve less. but ask for HIM to be merciful, and grant you blessings.

and so, being as merciful as HE is, granted me, not only with blessings, but with faith as well. and a few days from now, a journey begins anew, with new challenges to encounter. specially a challenge to become an instrument of HIS love, as what i have already deemed.

now, do not get any idea that i am pursuin’ priesthood, ok? cause let me just clear it out that i am not. infact, i might remain to be the unworthy servant that i am. but its something similar to the message from the movie “Evan Almighty”, which i just recently watched: “if you ask God for patience, does He give you patience or an opportunity to be patient?  if you ask God to help you change the world, does He throw blessings on you or give you the opportunity to change the world?”

and from the movie “Kungfu Panda”, “there is no special ingredient, you just have to believe..” and that “there are no accidents”, everything happens for a reason.

09:40 pm
21 june 2008
my unit, makati
—–

but of course i remember that few days back marks the first month since i moved into my new place in makati. now, how could i forget that. because before goin’ to work last tuesday, i had to pay-off my first monthly rental.

a lot of things had unveiled since i moved out from sto. tomas which i have already learned to call my second home. initially, i thought it would be a struggle. from livin’ with a pack of 11 to goin’ solo. but fortunately, things turned to be not as difficult as i thought it would be. of course i am not sayin’ that it is as easy as slidin’ on an icing cake.

but still, every now and then, i would get warm fuzzies from memories of my times with my ex-housemates and ex-officemates. and things can get more cloudy when i flip through the pages of the scrapbook that they made for me, with pics of the adventures and misadventures that we had. and not to forget the inspirational messages they scribbled.

but thoughts of makin’ friends with new peeps balances the scales. a chance to run with a new crowd, but never forgettin’ the old ones. so much is ahead of me, so
much to look forward to. but at the same time, so much memories of the past groundin’ me. yet, i have to understand, that life is about movin’ on. sometimes, we need to make difficult choices. allow ourselves to face new challenges, for i strongly believe that it is through challenges where one’s abilities are enhanced.

and at the same time, i have faith in HIM, that all of this is for a reason. a reason of which i am hopeful to uncover soon. a purpose higher than what i had for myself.

11:35 pm
11 may 2008
my room, batangas haus
—-

whoa! and yet again, here i am, in a state which i fondly call as emotional roller
coaster. a swirlin’ ride of mixed emotions rangin’ from excitement, fear, panic, doubt, gloom and many others. "why the coaster ride again?", you may be askin’..

a couple of months before now, i made a decision. a decision to step forward in life and move on with my journey. and a couple of weeks ago, i finally lifted a foot up and dipped it into the path of my next expedition. a couple of days ago until now, and maybe for a couple more days, shiftin’ my weights back and forward. back to my foot steppin’ on my yesterday, and forward to my other foot steppin’ on my tomorrow.

what am i exactly talkin’ about here? is it gettin’ a bit too riddly? ok, let me try to set things straight. in a few days from now, i will be steppin’ out of my current nutshell and will be movin’ to a new one. still fuzzy huh? i know, but i am tryin’ as much as i can to blur it out gently. not really much for the readers’ benefit, but mostly for myself. tryin’ to have a clear mindset of my decision, to move out of laguna and finally step into makati. there! i said it.

yes, you read that right. in a few days time, i will be transferrin’ to makati already.
a whole new world. hence the excitement, for the new things to expect. a cloud of
fear, for the unendin’ possiblity of unexpected encounters. a dash of panic, for the little time remainin’ yet numerous things to accomplish. a morsel of doubt, for the precesion of my assessment. and a spoon-full of gloom, for havin’ to part ways with people who matters.

but life is about movin’ forward. havin’ to do things, no matter how deep it will cut us. havin’ to understand that everythin’ is with a purpose, and that each tomorrow brings a brighter day. and that blessin’s shall be yours as long as you surrender to HIS will.

i have been meanin’ to write somethin’ up that discusses about
my copin’ means when confronted with potential pain or stress from loss,
betrayal or similar experiences.
 
now, i believe that already, it has long been established that
i am such a peculiar individual. that sometimes, i see things from a very
different plane compared to how others would normally perceive things. i am not
sure whether it’s a blessin’ or a curse, but it comes with the package of bein’
me. 

i also do not know if this is already a known fact or if
still it remains to be an uncovered detail, but oftentimes, i tend to take
adversities with such an emotional blow. 

yes, you’ve heard it right. underneath this mutant-like
coverin’, is a human, capable of feelin’ earthly-emotions, even to a point where
i take the blow more than how a normal earthlin’ would do. numerous humps &
bumps in my journey had resulted me into developin’ a special skill that had
allowed me to save myself from the destruction of fallin’ apart. 

and the ability that i was talkin’ about is my weird way of
copin’ up. when confronted with pain or hurt, whether upcomin’ or in passin’, the
‘early self-destruct safe’ warnin’ would activate, and my instant reaction
would mostly be pullin’ myself into an astral plane. preventin’ myself from
feelin’ the torment which i dread. 

and bringin’ myself to the astral plane would mean that i
have to alter my reality, convincin’ my self that some existence are just
imaginary. this would usually range from existence of care to existence of an individual
or event. and sometimes, unfortunately, i get too comfortable with it, that at
one point or another, it becomes my reality. 

and i know that oftentimes i get misinterpreted and
misjudged because of this perception. but if only they could walk a mile in my
shoe. and maybe by then, they would understand better. come to think of it, i
believe they could, but if only they would.

11:15 pm
22 march 2008
my room, sto tomas, batangas
—–
songs on top of my list
(in no particular order)

When Love And Hate Collide
DEF LEPPARD

Jenny
CLICK FIVE

Bubbly
COLBIE CAILLAT

Everything
MICHAEL BUBLE

Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now
MYMP

I’m Still Here
JOHN RZEZNIK

Healing
JED MADELA

You’re The Inspiration
DIANNE ELISE

Big Girls Don’t Cry
FERGIE

The Past
JED MADELA

Collide
HOWIE DAY

So Perfect
MYMP

 Time In
YENG CONSTANTINO

Because Of You
KELLY CLARKSON

I Wanna Go Home
MICHAEL BUBLE

Girl Next Door
SAVING JANE

How To Touch A Girl
JOJO
 
Upside Down
6 CYCLE MIND

10:15 pm
09 march 2008
my room, batangas haus
—–
i have long wanted to write somethin’ again for my blog cause i know for a fact that it has been quite a while already since i last wrote somethin’ down..

i am uncertain if its laziness or just too busy with things that had prevented me from sittin’ down and writin’ somethin’ up. but whatever the reason is, let’s not dwell much on that. what is important really is i am finally able to drag my butt on a chair and sit infront of my laptop, and put words together that would hopefully make sense.

ok. now what was i suppose to type down again?! i mean is there any particular event that i wanted to share about? well, maybe not really. although there might have been some couple of significant events that went down lately. but right now, there isn’t really any on the tip of my brain. so its kinda hard for me to recollect.

but anyways, i was stucked up with boredom earlier today and was lookin’ for meaningful things to do. finally ended doin’ some reflections, reminiscin’ and listening to several audio books that i have on my pod. motivation-driven audio books or self-help audio books, if you may call them.

and it got me thinkin’ of thoughts that had been runnin’ on my mind lately. thoughts about personal growth, maturity and the likes. i don’t know if i am correct to make these assumptions, but back when i was in college, i kinda believed that my way of thinkin’ was different than that of most poeple my age. i mean i believed that i kinda see things in different perspective than what is normal.

now i don’t mean somethin’ like paranormal or anything of that nature. what i meant was seein’ things with a certain level of maturity, always believin’ that everythin’ happens for a reason. always tryin’ to be optimistic on every obstacles that comes my way, tellin’ myself that it happened for a reason. that there is a lesson for every fall that i made.

but lately, i have come to realize that that maturity i was referrin’ to was just mustard compared to the actual maturity level that a human psychology is capable of. sometimes, it just amazes me how a human brain can cope up with things. now its not connected to maturity or somethin’, but it just part of concepts that i am bewildered with. i can still remember this one episode from
oprah in which she quoted that a human brain has amazin’ ways of copin’ up with things.

like when a brain is submerged into a traumatic experience, and wishes so much not to recall the trauma, it develops amnesia to forget. or if an individual can’t accept that somethin’ happened to him, the brain develops a split personality to isolate the trauma to the new personality developed, so that the other can say that it didn’t happen to him.

these are just some of the things that continually amazes me and get me into believin’ that indeed our brain is far more capable of things than what we have set limits to. this is somethin’ connected to a tag line that i am fond of sayin’ and believe in, "what your mind can perceive, your brain can achieve.."

these past few years, i have been given an opportunity that entails a lot of maturity. and part of the copin’ up that i had to do, i had somehow increased certain level of maturity. maturity brought about not only by circumstances, but my willingness, openness and most specially, by my choice to grow. now, i am not sayin’ that i am already that matured at this moment, in fact i have to admit that i still have immaturity in me. but comparin’ myself before and now, i would happily nod and say that there is growth. and that i would continually make the paradigm shift and strive more to open myself up for more growth and hopefully, be able to influence, motivate and inspire others to grow as well.